Loss of Contact

I don’t know if there is a more powerful moment in a person’s life than to wake up and suddenly realize what is at the heart of everything that holds you back.  To finally see through the web of self-obfuscation and lies, and to understand, or at least begin to understand, that all those things you wish you could change, have tried to change, are connected.  For me, the heart of everything that holds me back is fear.  Fear has caused in me uncertainty, worry, a desire to flee the situations I am in, avoidance, procrastination, an intense desire to be accepted by others, and addiction.  Every single one of these things contains yet more things, until a full list fills up the written page and makes me mourn for all the time and living I have lost by living in fear. 

I do not know where the road will lead today, or tomorrow, or a year from now.  But I know that today is the first day for something new.  A day of freedom, I think.  Because I know that I do not have to be afraid for even one more day.  God, thank You for giving me the freedom and strength to live free from fear.  I will trust in You.